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"I thought I was evil, stupid, unfit. I thought everyone I knew at work thought so too."

"October 2007: I was seriously depressed. I had screwed up at work—my first professional position in a profession I thought I was born for. I had screwed up, and I still had to do my job.

What would I do if it didn't work out for me? Little by little I began to recover from my error. Still, I was plagued by doubt and despair. Then as winter began to approach, I compared my current mood with my feelings the previous year.

I had been hopeful then. I was almost finished with my graduate degree and knew that a position was opening that I was planning on applying for. At the staff Christmas party, there was nothing but joy and hope. And for me a buzzy sense of rightness and anticipation.

Well, I applied, got the promotion and screwed it right up.

I thought I was evil, stupid, unfit. I thought everyone I knew at work thought so too.

But as I began to climb out of the pit of despair, it dawned on me that I needed to do something, to act. Grad school had been full of goals. My current job could have them, but I was stuck in just hanging on. I was letting the day-to-day work rule me and grind me down.

I needed to do something desperate.

November was coming. I had always wanted to do NaNoWriMo. I felt this time, I would try to accomplish this simple goal that would affect no-one but myself. I would try to write a novel, 50,000 words—knowing they didn't have to be excellent words—in 30 days.

I did and it restored my confidence in my abilities to accomplish something, even if it was 'anything.'

I can't begin to tell you—even if I had 50 million words and unlimited time—how much better I felt for accomplishing the writing of my little novel. I'm happier at my job now, because of something I did totally unrelated to it.

I'll do it again in a heartbeat. 30 days worth of heartbeats."

—Eri Zeitz

Eri was born in Brooklyn, NY, now living in the Midwest. This was her first NaNo. It saved her life.

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